TV Commercials…REALLY???

Since I work in advertising, part of my job besides promoting my product in print, is to set up TV commercials for the products that I schlep. As such…I m CONTINUALLY watching TV to see what other companies come up with to promote THEIR products. ...

Things Women Lie About

I have found that over the years, women as a species MAY have a tendency to LIE!!! NOW...No way am I saying that ALL women lie or are VAGUE…Oh Hell…YES I am. We, as women are given certain inalienable rights bestowed upon us by God, Allah,...

Grocery Shopping Hell

Grocery Shopping Hell I love to cook, no two ways about it, BUT…I REALLY, REALLY dislike going to the grocery store. Anyone else with me on this? I work a lot, and fly around a lot, so usually when I get home, all I wanna do is sit around in my...

Ten Ways to Effectively Pick Your Nose

10.)    With a pair of industrial sized booger pliers.  9.)     Heavy duty tweezers with a 50 lb. weight limit.  8.)     Having a friend help you out.  7.)     The 2 finger approach, justifying the saying: “Two fingers are always ...

Is Aunt Flo a Real Person???

I First heard this expression when I was about six years old. My mother was on the phone talking to a friend of hers and I heard her say: “Ya, it’s about that time, I think Aunt Flo is coming”.   Now understand, I DIDN’T have an aunt Flo so I...

Helpful Pick Up Techniques For Guys

 Guys...You need some help in the art of picking up a woman so I’m gonna help ya. I’m writing this with the hope that I can put an end to all the silly lines you give us just so you can get into our pants. Now, I don’t profess to be a sex goddess, or...

Hansel and Gretel Meet the 3 Little Pigs

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a brother and sister named Hansel and Gretel. Now, (as the story goes), Hansel, being the oldest, was always getting blamed for stuff that Gretel actually did. Ya come on…like THIS never happened...

Three Coins in a Toilet???

A couple weekends ago my cousin asked me to baby sit. It had been a long time since her husband and her had been away so I said sure. Just to keep the record straight, she also has two dogs…Dumper, an 8 month old Great Dane…and Weasel, a two year old...

A Roast of Bootlady

 First off, I would like to Thank Bootlady for allowing me to Roast her. She is an amazing talent here at Thoughts and has been a mentor to me and probably many others here. Sooooo, without further adieu, let’s begin. Good evening Thoughtsters,...

Traits Women Look For In a Spouse

There are basically 4 traits we all, (women), look for in determining IF you are considered Marriage material. 1. Wealth 2. Good Looks 3. Good sense of Security 4. Sense of Humor  Indeed, these are the top four characteristics...

Scribbles Challenge #128

Usually I don't do scribbles challenges but this one just screamed at me..Do it...do it. Cursed be the words of thy slippery tongue, ...

Will the REAL Barbie Doll Please Stand Up

I was on E Bay the other night just passing the time, and I noticed that someone was selling a “vintage” Barbie Doll for a 1000.00 bucks. WTF???? What is a “vintage” Barbie Doll anyway? I mean it’s a doll made out of freakin’ plastic….NOT GOLD!!!!...

Shhhhhh…I Faked the Big “O”

Here’s a question, do you feel guilty if you fake an Orgasm? Guys, you can answer this too, don’t be shy. I will openly say in front of God and everyone that I have FAKED the big “O”, and NOT just once. Any other hand raisers who have done this? ...

The Elusive “G” Spot

OK….Ladies, guys, show me a raise of hands all of you that actually BELIEVE in the elusive "G" spot. So DAMN much emphasis has been placed on this fake little bean like area in the vagina that men have been trying since the 1940’s to not just bring us...

Unexplained Mysteries

Today, I’m going to be talking about an issue that I know weighs heavily on everybody’s mind…SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION. I know, right, you want that mystery solved just as much as I do.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I ask myself, “Hey,...

Is 30 Mph Over REALLY Speeding ?

OK, I admit it. I was going 30 mph over the speed limit on some country BACK road I was driving the other day. All they had on it were sweated up possums, cactus, and a whole lotta nothing’ except the armadillos lookin’ at me like a MEAL if I ever...

Inventions That Just Miss the Mark

We are such an amazing planet. Men around the world have created inventions that have changed our lives, and made it much easier to live on day to day basis. Sometimes however, some of the inventions created just don’t quite hit the mark. Take...