10 Things Never to do WHen Writing

There are sooooooooo many people out there who write to “improve” other people’s writing, without ever explaining WHAT pitfalls to watch for when you finally DO pick up that pen and paper or computer.

 

I have devised a list of 10 things you should never do when you are writing, so that all of you potential writers have a CHANCE of making a million dollars on your next book.

 

  1. Never write when you are drunk. Ask me, I KNOW. When drunk, you believe you have written a masterpiece, when all you have actually written is something right out of Sooz’s Nursery Rhymes.

 

  1. Never write when you are tired. If you DO, the brain wants to finish your article toot suite, and it ends up going in the rejection bin in the morning. It is better just to sit down, relax, have 6 or 7 drinks, pass out and then try again in the morning. (The writing that is, NOT the drinking).

 

  1. While having sex. It CAN be done, but it is very difficult. Either finish your love play first, OR your writing.

 

  1. While watching TV. All I can say here is BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! This is a big no no. Too much interference that messes with your creativity. Finish watching House Hunters and THEN write.

 

  1. Never write on an empty OR a full stomach. If you write while you are hungry, you are always thinking about food. If you write on a full stomach, you are either thinking about sleeping OR puking. Enough said here.

 

  1. Never write about a personal experience you had unless it is EXTREEMLY funny or horrifying. Nothing else is really interesting; again…Ask me, I’ll tell you.

 

  1. Never write while you are depressed. If you do, no one will EVER read you again. Just sayin’.

 

  1. Never write when you are sleepy. If you do, you will find a story like this. Once upon a time………………………………………………………………….. nnnnnnnnnnnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjklkjchhdecwdclksMcSC,m d/w.md wlejl  kwc

 

  1. Never write when you are butt naked. Sure, it feels great, BUT…Then you have to stop every 15 minutes to masturbate and you lose the coherency of the story. Again, personal experience.

 

OK… There IS no number 10 because as you have probably figured out, I AM drunk and this whole thing is a compilation of drivel. I’ll hit the sack and try again when I am sober.

Bye for now…

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Comments (9)

  1. briton

    10.Never write on toilet walls.
    Shithouse poets when they die
    Will see erected in the sky
    In tribute to theiir immortal wit
    A monument of solid shit.

    July 03, 2017
    1. dreamshadow59

      Hehehehehehehe…

      July 04, 2017
  2. cannonfodder

    Ha ha

    July 03, 2017
    1. briton

      I’m a wanker,I’m a wanker
      And it does me good and it bloody well should
      I’m a wanker,I’m a wanker
      And I’m always pulling my pud

      July 11, 2017
    2. briton

      They say that sexual intercourse is really very fine
      But for sexual entertainment give me wanking every time.

      July 11, 2017
  3. fuall

    Sorry…wasn’t quite paying attention. I was already naked and got distracted by the pic at the top and started to masturbate. lol! Will try again in 15 minutes…and then I’ll try to read your post again! hahaha!

    July 04, 2017
    1. dreamshadow59

      ???

      July 08, 2017
    2. briton

      Eased it,squeezed it up against the wall
      Nursed it,cursed it,it wouldn’t come at all
      At all,at all,at all,at all,at all
      Ease it up against the wall before you shoot it all.

      July 11, 2017
  4. wirelessguru1

    July 04, 2017